Tuesday, June 12, 2012
As Deep As A Frisbee
Appearance. It matters to all of us whether we care to admit it or not. Our own appearance and the appearances of those around us. Should it matter? I don’t know, should it? Ideally, probably not. Who are we kidding? It does and anyone who says otherwise may be wearing trousers that are aflame. Upon seeing a member of the opposite sex, what is the first thing you notice? Surely it isn’t sense of humor, that’s later. It probably isn’t intelligence, also later. And I would be shocked if it were ability to make a perfect three egg omelet. So what is it? Looks! Hair! Face! Eyes! Biceps, triceps, delts, and what have you. That’s what you notice first. Or if you’re a guy, you see all those things except the muscles unless you’re looking at one of those manly dude-chick bodybuilders. That’s different, too. It’s the Beauty and the Beast contingency. You can love everything about someone as a person, but if you are not physically attracted to them, they are just a friend. Friend-zoned, it’s not a place any of us want to be. If it were, it would have a more pleasant title, and it would not invoke images of girls sitting on guys’ backs on LOL Pics. We all want to pick the best specimen we can because, as biology whispers in our ears, presumably you are picking the person with whom you intend to procreate, even if you’re ultra-modern and don’t feel that’s for you. You still instinctually pick the best genetic match. Are looks the only thing that matter? Of course not. But you may never find out how funny that guy is if you can’t get past the Jimmy Durante honker and Tiny Tim hairdo. The main reason people sometimes fall for their friends is because they already know them as a person. Oft times loving a person’s personality can breed physical attraction. It’s not unheard of at any rate. Unfortunately, there are those of us who just can’t get past that hairy back or lazy eye. Superficiality is a curse really. Perhaps you want to be able to look past the buckteeth but something in your head or your subconscious just won’t let it happen. Do you feel a little bad about it? Of course! You prove to yourself daily that you have all the depth of a dinner plate. There are a number of quizzes dedicated to calculating whether or not you’re shallow, or rather just how shallow you are. I took one. It wanted my email address at the end so it could send me the results. I have yet to get them. But from what it sounded like, I am not very shallow at all. I can’t tell you how this surprised me. UrbanDictionary.com confirmed this. It states that someone who judges strictly on looks without ever factoring in personality is shallow. So, like all of us, they pick the prime member of the herd but then they stay with them regardless of personality, intelligence, and opinion on vegetarianism. Yeah, I couldn’t do that. Just say no to vegetarian hippies. You’ll thank me later when no one is lecturing you and sobbing as you try to eat your prime rib in peace, pretty as that someone may be. In these days of superficiality it’s almost a guarantee that someone out there is dating for looks alone. I learned an important fact today that I am not one of them, no matter how much I thought I might have been. But I’m right about vegetarian hippies.