Monday, August 20, 2012

Are You Retiring Your Uterus?

Have you thought about what it will be like when you are reproductively finished?  Are you at that point already?  Have you retired your uterus?

Every couple comes upon the time when they feel that they are done with the babymaking/having.  They close up shop.  Sperm and egg will no longer converse.  For some it might be something of a relief, a chance to breathe a little easier, a light at the end of a little shorter tunnel.  For others it may not be an easy choice.

It didn’t occur to me that at some point I would have my last child and be done with it.  After I’d had number three, it hit me.  I remember laying on the couch with her asleep on my chest and getting all I could out of it as I thought, this may well be the last time I’ll get to do this.  I made sure to enjoy it as much as I could.  Though I never told my husband, the concept that I was done having babies just was not right yet.  Three kids COULD be enough, but it just didn’t feel like I was done.  He, on the other hand, was done.  He didn’t want any more kids until all of ours were in school or until we could better afford it.

Now that I am pregnant with little number four I know that this is my last child.  It is right and I am ok with it.  It’s not unsettling or even really very sad.  A year ago I thought that when it was official that I was done that I would be really depressed.  I’m not.  Even with all the crazy things going on right now I know that this is the end of the line and that’s how it is supposed to be.

Since I know that this is my last pregnancy I’m trying to appreciate it more than I usually would, but I have to say that things are harder this time.  Not with me or the pregnancy, just with the situation.  This pregnancy is different from my others.  Duh, right?  Every pregnancy is different, blah blah blah.  Mine at least resemble each other.  Not that this one doesn’t resemble the others at all.

I’ve read just about everything that pertains to me and pregnancy on the internet at least a dozen times.  These sites really need new stuff.  I’ve read the very same articles with this baby than I did with my first five years ago.  Splurge for some new material BabyCenter!  Give me the go-ahead and I’ll start writing!  I’ll do it right now!  Anyway, a lot of the things it talks about happening, never happen to me.  It’s like reading about milestones that you wait for that just never seem to happen.

I haven’t gone into labor sooner with any subsequent kid.  I don’t start showing sooner, even despite being a good bit lighter this time around.  I am just shy of 14 weeks and still not showing.  I’ve had three kids!  I know I should look at this in a more positive way and I do try to, I just have to remind myself.  I wanted to take weekly pictures of myself starting from the beginning, but it has yet to happen.  It’s just as well, I guess, nothing’s really changed.  Generally, I don’t allow pictures of me while I’m pregnant.  I realize now how stupid that is and it makes me sad that there are no pictures of me pregnant with really any of my kids except at the very tail end, the requisite maternity pictures two days before birth.  Yeah, I would look back on any pregnancy pictures and comment on what a whale I was but at least there would be some documentation to show my kids that I did once incubate them.

No, I am exception to the pregnancy rule generally.  Nothing happens sooner, or more, or worse.  I just go on about my daily business as though I’m not pregnant because it won’t start getting in the way for about another 15 weeks.  So I will continue to work and work out until I physically am incapable.  Ever seen a pregnant woman do Zumba?  Me neither, but I can’t imagine it’s going to be very pretty.

I seem to have gone off on a tangent.  So to sum up my original thought and topic here; I really thought deciding to not have more kids would make me sad but it didn’t because it’s the right time.

Wow, this could’ve been a much shorter post.

Did putting your eggs out to pasture make you sad?  Is that an odd phrase?

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