Here's the Mail It Never Fails...

  Ever stumble upon an email address that you have forgotten about?  Then by some miracle you remember the password, open it up and see that you have 1,183 pieces of mail waiting for you to read.   Or take all the time to delete.  Why don’t they make a ‘delete all’ button? Today I have done such a thing. Ironically, it’s the email connected to all my blogs. Well, if people would comment on them I’d have a reason to check!  No, no, I realize that if my blogs were my kids I’d be no better than that couple would couldn’t be bothered to feed their child because they were too busy playing World of Warcraft.  Yes, that really happened, by the way. Let me tell you what I have found in this dusty old electronic mail box.  Updates from a pregnancy website on a child I was never even pregnant with.  My question here is, who was? A ‘digest’ email regarding house cleaning that looks as though it comes four times a day.  Good God, who is talking about cleaning their houses that often?!  Oh, so THAT’S where my iTunes receipts have been going. Twitter update.  I have a Twitter account? Ahem!   I mean, I have a Twitter account! @deathmetalmommy.  Follow me! GeorgiaSexOffenders.com.  Well, that’s just good sense. Ooh! I have 37 followers on Twitter!  It looks like most of them are death metal bands.  Hmm, it pays to read the whole name, people. EHarmony?  Um, no? Oh, look, they’ve missed me on Twitter. I don’t know who Andy Bailey is, but he seems to like me.  Oh, maybe it’s some newsletter that had relevance at the time. Or it’s eHarmony again. A date night look that I HAVE to try from Glamour last November. Perhaps I should tweet more.  They seem to really like me, too.  Along with a new follower as of November of last year, Choking on Bile. I…I…thanks for following? It’s pretty much playing out like a big pattern. Why have I been invited to join a Paranormal Social Network? OK, unsubscribe.  “Do you really want to unsubscribe from this newsletter?” Would I have clicked it if I didn’t? Free yoga panty.  They must be really flexible. Someone activated Find my iPhone.   I hope they found me. Someone wants my opinion on their diet/fitness app…last September.  Well, better late than never, right? I’m now down to 665 email.  Oy. Aw, hell, somebody did comment on a blog post.  And it’s someone I don’t know!  My sincerest apologies for not seeing it! Wait, no—I do know them. Classmates.com update for a school I never went to.  What? 389.  Still going. Oh, hey, they’ve missed me on Twitter! Nothing interesting, nothing interesting. Oh, they’re all gone. OK, and now I see that there actually is a ‘delete all’ button. I’ll remember that for next time I have over 1,000 emails. Maybe I should put something on Twitter.  They miss me.