After having numerous children over the past four years, you would think one would be used to having very little sleep. Well, in this case, you would be wrong. I have never had such a problem sleeping as I have these past few weeks. I’m not sure why either. Trust me it’s not an issue of GOING to sleep; I’m very adept at that part. It’s the ignoring any children who may wake up and cry that is hindering my sleep at the present time. Dude, why can’t they just go to sleep! And stay asleep!
For example, last night I was very, very tired having spent the evening trying to think of the name of the strip club in Atlanta that Marilyn Manson likes which is known for employing one legged hookers. You wanna know, don’t you? More on that later. I had gotten two out of the three children in bed and Sully was the only one left, just like most nights. He finally fell asleep and I was under the impression that I had as well. I dreamed I got on Facebook and posted on my father’s wall “What is the capital of Assyria?”(a Monty Python quote, for those of you not in the know.)
When I got to work this morning I checked Facebook on my phone and, to my utter confusion, realized that I had actually posted said quote. That, my friends, is why you should not be allowed to surf and sleep. Now if I had been drunk, that would have been more acceptable, but just excessively somnolent? No, that one is all you.
Think that’s bad? It doesn’t compare to the night before that.
Lily had woke up so I plucked her from her crib and went to lay down on the couch and give her a bottle to put her back to sleep. Somewhere after the bottle was began I fell asleep, and I believe the bottle rolled off somewhere. I then had to fight unconsciousness to wake up because I heard something. It took a while to realize that Lily was four inches from my head crying. Loudly. Loudly and a lot. And I hadn’t heard it. But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was when I didn’t know who this screaming baby was lying beside me. It really took a good full one or two minutes for it all to come back to me. So I grabbed for the bottle which was now silently taunting me from under the recliner and had to get up. Did you know that when you’re that sleepy it’s damn near impossible to stand up straight or walk without falling? I didn't know that. But I’m well aware of it now.
If this isn’t a great handful of reasons to get more sleep then I don’t know what is.
Oh, and it’s Clairmont. But there’s only one monopedic hooker.
